I know now, if grief had a voice, she would be a dakini. What would she say to you?

Today, after a rather tedious and frustrating experience with the technology we use for our bi-weekly announcements called Mailchimp, I did a "SB as Sadhana practice." I think it may have been one of the most robust, embodied subtle body experiences I have had. Thank you, Venerable Mailchimp.

Troma Nakmo accompanied me on my morning walk today. It was a surprise and she was uninvited, though welcomed gratefully. She was quiet, saying little - actually, saying nothing at all. There was a fierceness in her silence, burning energy, a force of strength. In the swirling, ferocious quiet I vividly saw this paradox I am living - the excruciating reality of our grandaughter's tragic death by suicide with a glimpse into the mode of existence, emptiness you can say. They keep crashing into each other! This morning the burning energy of Troma Nakmo became a mirror somehow for looking at my own mind and seeing what is really possible now on the path to awakening for the sake of all beings - bodhicitta....my heart breaking open and being released from the "prison of my own mind."

Khandro-la's teachings on the long sadhana in Kechara Journey are instilling some "new perspectives" in my practice. I am referring to new curiosities and perhaps understandings about inner offerings - this external imaginary experience and internally, what potential is here. The container as the skull cup has represented to me "going to the charnel ground"...this fearless attitude of drinking blood, destroying ego. I am imagining now too the purification, generation and transformation aspect on a new level or in a newer way. I am still allowing it to unfold without trying to solidify or analyze it. But something has shifted for me, and the "ritual" of offering - imagined or real - is becoming closely tied to cutting through this ordinary perception, conceptions, all the obstacles to sacred dignity and clear seeing. I would love to hear of others' experiences with these teachings and practices we are learning.

DW's Public Sunday this past week was an invitation to Cho via Machik Labdron's 5 Slogans. These slogans have deep meaning to me and I actually recite them every morning. Reciting them I do feel like such a fearless dakini! Listening to Khandro-la's talk and the stimulating conversation among fellow students, I decided I may need to "lighten up" a bit here when it comes to these slogans. For instance, instead of considering the endless possibility of "hidden faults" I can uncover and confess, I can bring my understanding of emptiness to them directly, to liberate them so they can be transformed into this wisdom of emptiness. Then, and only then, can my heart break open with compassion for others' "hidden faults." And after all, this is why we are here, right?

Khandro-la shared 6 qualities of Dakinis yesterday in our SBT Dakini II series - alluring, wild, courageous, frightening, compassionate, ferocious! WOW, these are loaded, don't you think! We danced, moved, sang embodying all of these rich and somewhat provocative qualities. This morning, as I was reciting the short 6-session Guru Yoga verse, "by means of holding both sutra and tantra, may I liberate all sentient beings," I thought - could these 6 intriquing Dakini qualities represent the 6 paramitas? Let's see... Alluring through generosity that is free from self-cherishing Disciplined wildness or crazy wisdom Courageous patience that is limitless Wisdom that might be perceived as frightening in its bold clarity Concentrated, off-the-cushion compassionate meditation in action Fierce diligence in practicing the dharma May all Dakinis, seen and unseen, through their qualities and the 6 paramitas, strive to liberate all sentient beings.

Practicing mahamudra, recognizing kleshas, stepping back, looking directly.....leads me directly, literally and figuratively, to our Purification Retreat and Regrets/Remorse. "I must practice the antidote right away, without a second's delay."

I made a note from Khandro-la's teaching during the last KJ that in the Guru Yoga visualization of Guru Vajradharma adorned with the six bone ornaments, the 6th one is ashes smeared on his body from the charnel ground. Each time I visualize this now, my body/mind swoons with waves of inspiring strength.

"We tend to consider moving mind as a distraction but there is no possibility of escaping moving mind. Look and see it's true nature!" This may not be an exact quote from Khandro-la's teachings yesterday in MMJ, but for me it was a powerful message and is still resounding through my mind. What is my direct experience of these words? Is it my moving mind or my still mind that is responding to these words? Is there any difference? Who or what is responding to these words of wisdom? Deepening my relationship with this mind, I step back and look. Deep bow to you, Khandro-la, and to my fellow MMJ pilgirms.

In terms of the 3 poisons, so you think the wish or longing for things to be different than they are is 'desire' or 'ignorance?' Or actually, now that put this out there, I am thinking it's a sort of 'aversion' as well...aversion to what is happening and desire for it to be different because of 'ignorance' - not seeing things the way they really are....ah, samsara!

Yesterday Khandro-la introduced the idea of "spiritual independence." I say she introduced it because I don't recall this idea registering in my brain before from any of her teachings. I must say, it has struck a chord in me and I am pondering what it may mean in my own Journey towards awakening for the sake of all beings. What does it mean to you?

I dreamt I had died, and I laughed out loud (LOL). My husband smiled and took my body into the woods, inviting all beings to feast. They came, devouring this banquet, this gift from this giver being given. With every bite, dakinis flew from my heart into the sky, filling the entire universe. It was a joy! It was a delight! TAYATHA OM GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAM GATE BODHI SVAHA

Today we completed the SBT Dakini I Series. Reflecting, I ponder what has awakened in me? Is it the spaciousness of Prajnaparamita? The fire of Vajrayogini? The courage of Green Tara? The fierceness of Simha-Mukha? Or the compassion of Quan Yin? I feel them all in some ways, and more! Remembering emptiness, I bring them into my heart center and pray, 'May my recognition of them, embodiment and expression of them, benefit all beings.'

We are in the middle of a SB Dakini Series. Yesterday we got well acquainted with Green Tara, breathing, dancing, chanting, and moving with her kindness, confidence, one-pointed focus, and inexpressible, unlimited capacity for freeing all beings from the ocean of samsara's suffering! She is with me still, this morning as I move through my day with some ease that perhaps wasn't there before. How does Green Tara live in your life?

Yesterday 15 DW members and seven DW friends shared this experience of the blessings of Cho transmissions from the Ear-Whispered Lineage. We came from all over the globe - Australia, New Zealand, The Netherlands, Canada, Bulgaria, Czechoslovakia, Finland, USA. I feel grateful and so fortunate. As Khandro-la reminded us though, yesterday's transmission was only the beginning. Now we make a commitment to practice these "potent practices" for bringing light into the darkness of the world. How do your dharma practices empower you to dispel the darkness in the world? Or live in the darkness from a place of light?

"Every single heart break is holding the possibility of heart awake." (Indian yogini) In this podcast interview, our precious teacher, Khandro-la, speaks about, The Broken Heart of Possibility. In it, she says, " moments of feeling lost, when our heart is breaking and we are thinking we can't face what's next, are holy moments, moments in which we reach our innermost selves." Khandro-la's teachings in this ripe, authentic interview relate to us all - heart broken, heart breaking, heart waking. Please set aside some time to listen when you can. You don't have to listen all at once. Perhaps listen 10 or 15 minutes at a time. It's delicious and will touch your heart.

This week I found myself trudging through some inner charnel grounds, quite unexpectedly. My awareness of what was happening seemed so clouded by my own constrictions around my "story." Then, one night as I practiced the Yoga of Sleeping, out of nowhere it seemed, my heart opened up and welcomed the internal churning. I felt its uncomfortableness and I smiled, with some kindness and understanding, at the illusionary turmoil I was creating. I laid my head in Vajradharma's lap and fell asleep. And I woke up "laughing at appearances."

I have beheld the face of Vajrayogini. She has come alive opening all of my sense doors! In my eyes’ reflection in the mirror while brushing my teeth. In the gap between strong, negative emotional reactions/thoughts and awareness. In the fire in my belly when sitting in meditation. In the stale, dark dangerous air I breathe out forcefully during 9-point breathing. In the chuckle when I catch myself holding on too tight. In the sound of my name, Yeshe Wangmo. In the aversion to the odor of our compost pile. In the sweetness of the flavor of my morning apple. In the yearning and longing, now everything seems to be a representation of VY leading me to wake up for benefit of all.